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Lakewood, Ohio
A good plumber, who can find? Mine, Bill Poland, is 83. He won’t do fourth-floor work anymore. In one of the apartment buildings I own, he’ll go only to the third floor since there isn’t an elevator to take him higher. It’s his hip, mostly, but Bill refuses to get a replacement. “It takes at least six months to recover, and I might not be around that long,” he said.
“Plus you smoke,” I replied.
“You sound like my wife,” he said.
Aside from his medical issues, Bill is reasonable and reasonably priced. My backup plumber, Chris, can’t afford to go as low as Bill’s prices. Chris is in his 50s and has nine employees, a fleet of vans and a receptionist.
Bill is one of the few plumbers I know who still answer their own phones. He’s a one-man operation and shows up for emergencies. Sometimes I need a plumber at 11 p.m. or on a weekend. Water goes wherever it wants, whenever it wants.
Lately Bill has been using a cane. He told me, “Back in the old days, a lot of people walked around with canes.”
“What’d your doctor say about the cane?” I said.
“What do you think he said? He said ‘Cut. Do the hip surgery,’ ” Bill told me. “He’s a surgeon.”
Bill is a surgeon in his own right—a drain surgeon. Chris describes Bill as a “genius with a wrench.” That’s exactly what I need. Property management is all about water issues: Roofs leak, pipes burst, and tenants flush potatoes down their toilets. Everything drips. The question is: How frequently and for how long?
Bill grew up working in his family’s funeral home: “There was a lot of heavy lifting in that business.”
I hope that, contrary to what reason tells me, an 83-year-old plumber who smokes and walks with a cane can keep working for years. I don’t like plumbers with secretaries.
Mr. Stratton is author of the blog Klezmer Guy: Real Music & Real Estate.
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Appeared in the July 21, 2022, print edition.
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